So then part 2.
well my friend came over and spoke into my life, don't know if i can (or should) break down the full detail of this word, but suffice it to say that it spoke to me about the identity crisis I'd been having for a few years now as to who I was when I wasn't begin geeky guy, husband, father, server in church etc. etc., and although he couldn't give me the answer as to how he saw the answer as being putting who I am in Christ front and centre, now just time to find out what that means.
all of this in itself would have been massive, then came sermon 2 on the power of faith and obedience and the need to listen more for God's voice and understanding that God is always talking to us we just rarely listen as well as talk of the difference between our strength and God's strength
by this time my head was mashed, we had lunch and i was noticeably different, i enjoyed talking to my friends over lunch including some that i hadn't talked to for a while and i could see that something had changed.
So time for sermon 3, which was David Campbell again this time talking about gifts of the spirit, i think i'm thankful for the fact that either because i'd heard a lot of this before or because my brain was mashed nothing more struck me round the head with a baseball bat from this sermon.
Then came the prayer time, and bless the heart of my friend HJDX who was forced by God it seems to pray for me the entire time while i was wrestling with God, holding onto him for all i was worth saying that i would not let go until he blessed me, it was only after some people had given some prophetic words to me that i actually started listening to God and could hear him say, 'i never leave you nor forsake you so why exactly are you holding onto me when i'm trying to give you a gift, if you let go you can take the gift.'
Eventually (after debating with myself whether it was a trick) i let go and while it seems like nothing huge happened from the outside but I was told that God had stuck a tap in my back and was slowly going to empty the cauldron of anger that had been built up inside me but it did have to be done slowly because it was so toxic, which was a really timely word as this is something I'd been concerned about for a few weeks now.
I then went to be prayed for by David Campbell (a crazy step as in 3 chats with him he's turned my life upside down 3 times but i love him for it) and he told me that now was a make or break moment for me and that i had to choose to take a stand.
and you know what he was right and i chose to stand there and then, i was able to tell a friend that i forgave him (and mean it) and realised that i had forgiven all of these people and am looking forward to telling them (which may be very amusing as some of them may not realise that they had annoyed me)
but more than all this i think i had shaken off the victim mentality which i had taken up, all that seemed to matter to me was me and the Lord and my relationship with him all else was important but secondary and that was hugely freeing.
so Sunday morning i woke up went to Church and it was amazing i talked to people, worshipped God, loved the sermon, talked to more people, took communion, realised that there are some hugely faithful people in the church that never stop praying for me and in the end only left because it seemed like there was practically no people left in church (just like old times)
So am i back to who i was, I hope not and i don't think so, don't misunderstand me i hope and pray that this change will last but believe that I am different to who i was that i now know the limits of my own strength and can see how immeasurably greater God's is.
and what's next. No idea, but am looking forward to finding out.
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