Mrs. Jockmcgonzo wanted to get something off her chest and so i offered her a guest spot on my blog to be read by literally 2 people ;o)
well here it is
I, Mrs jockmcgonzo think God is a complete f**kwit.
There I've said it. Although He does know as I've told him, plus you know He knows the secrets of my heart what with being God and all!!
I just don't get it.
I don't understand why.
I don't understand why not.
I feel like the bruised reed the mr jockmcgonzo posted about. But I feel more than blinking bruised I feel torn in two and pushed well past my limit.
So more preciscely, why does God choose to intervene with some people and not with others? He does heal, I've seen it. I belive it. But only some people. That really bugs me! Either get involved or don't! It's upsetting me more that he seems to pick and choose.
My lovely, longed for baby girl, she had an entire church pleading for a miracle it didn't happen, but yet her conception was a miracle. My gorgeous cousin was another miracle conception and despite being wonderful and beautiful has severe cerebral palsy.
In the space of two years I lost 4 people, two wonderful ladies (my grandmothers), and two beautiful little girls called Emma. One never got the chance to live, the other only got to live till she was nearly 4. I've had enough thanks.
Yes I have the cutest little baby boy, but I'm petrified (just like most mothers) that one day I will be in hospital with him because I don't trust God that he'll be okay. Why should i trust him? Everytime I seem to find my feet they get wiped out from underneath me.
Jockmcgonzo wrote about how he had prayed for mini jockmcgonzo and he got better, he was able to attribute that to God and trust He was listening (at least for a little while - Mr. jock) . I just feel God is lulling us into a false sense of security and like our neighbours, our precious lillte man will be sadly taken from us too young.
I know death is not the end and for many is a happy blessed relief from the pain and suffering. I know our baby Emma is far better off in the "loving" arms of The Father. As is the other beautiful Emma who left us to go play with our Emma. Both will never have to suffer anymore, unlike me.
I don't blame God for taking people away... I blame him for not doing anything so they could stay.
I miss my baby. I never got to say goodnight to her.
I wish my aunt could hear her baby laugh like we heard Adam this week.
Why do we both have to suffer? Why does God heal one person but not another? Why is He an arse? Why?
I don't really want answers by the way, because I really don't like Him and I think i need time to cool off, besides I know all the answers really I just don't find any of them any comfort.
SO there you go. I'm not doing okay. One day maybe. My boy is gorgeous but he doesn't wipe the slate clean, he just creates a rainbow in the storm.
Thanks you for reading my one and only rant.
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