1 step forward, 3 steps back

Subtitle - The conversation that doesn't quite work in church.

Hmmm so it's been a while... how are you?

me I'm fine... what you really want to know.

OK, I'm not doing so great, don't get me wrong nothing major is going wrong in my physical life, i'm getting fitter, i love my wife, i love my boy, my job is good. are there things that could be better of course but fairly plain sailing.

so then why am I not doing alright. well it's me and God.

let me give you a quick summary of my prayer life at the minute.

"Chris: Hi God, it's me again how are you doing.

God: <no answer>

C: OK then. well it's me but you know that. although i still can't explain what happened last year and what role you played in it I want to thank you for the good things in my life right now. though I do have a few questions other than the normal one like why don't I feel the same fire at church that i used to

G: <no answer>

C: How do I help Mrs Jockmcgonzo get in a better place with you?

G: <no answer>

C: Why do I feel more at home with a couple of guys in a pub then I do at the church I've been a part of for 10 years

G: <no answer>

C: What's next for me? what is the next step to recovery?

G: <no answer>

C: What should be my vision for our future? has it changed? and if it has does that mean you were lying to me previously?

G: <no answer>

C: What's the crack with my spiritual gifts now? should i be letting them waste away or should i be seeking opportunities to use them?

G: <no answer>

C: What should i be doing at church?

G: <no answer>

C: hmmm well I've got more of these questions God but it seems like you don't want me to have answers so...

What's

 the weather like the... oh wait that doesn't work

it's quite hard to keep a conversation going one-sided like this you know.

G: <no answer>

C: Right then, guess I'll see you around sometime."

Now I accept (though I don't understand why) it's my job to start the process of reconciling relationships that have been broken by the last 18months with people, but in my mind (puny though it is compared to His) i don't see why i have to be the instigator and pursuer of reconciliation with the God who reconciled himself to all sinners everywhere?

Surely the best thing for me at the minute can't be to be continually doubting that God loves me or would even deign to talk to me? my spiritual self-esteem is low enough.

I wish I could end on something positive but don't think this is going to be one of those posts, this is more a psalm 88 post.

Posted via email from Chris's posterous

1 step forward, 3 steps back

A new small group model?!?

Last week me and a couple of friends accidentally modelled the small group I've always been looking for.

what did this entail, 

we went to the pub.

granted the other two brought paper bibles and i brought my iphone (with youversion on) and we chatted over a pint or two.

what made this all the more astounding (and enjoyable) was there was no agenda, no plan other than to meet together and (as a certain pastor is fond of saying) "do life together"

i learnt more about what was going on in their lives in those 2 hours than i had in weeks of church, football and even the occasional meal.

before you beat me down and say "but what about time in the word?"

we chatted about what God had been teaching us lately not just through sermons and bible studies but in blogs and life and talked about where we saw this in the bible.

"and what about evangelism?"

well after a rocky start with the bar woman, i did manage to have a nice chat with her and make a connection with her after my arm was twisted to buy a round.

"and what about worship?"

Granted no-one brought a guitar but I believe God saw our chatting as an act of worship at the very least on a par with some of the 'joyful noises' i have heard.

So have we recreated the small group for a new generation, almost certainly not. have we rediscovered what it can mean to get together and chat about the important things in life free from agendas and time constraints (excluding those imposed by our loving wives).

Yup!

so next month we may actually even tell the people we invited where it is going to happen and we have a vague idea of what we are going to discuss. will it be as successful? only time will tell.

Posted via email from Chris's posterous

A new small group model?!?